Go figure that i'm finally getting around to writing up this post while i've locked myself away in my room for a mommy time out. it's one of those moments where i've
reached my limit of being sassed to, ignored relentlessly, or having
things thrown at me in jest/anger (all of the above includes our little
E). it's funny cause i know people look at this blog because of the
comments, but i never really think that anyone is reading/looking at my
occasional rants. Today i went to emma's school with jude and eli after naps. We had a good time hanging out with emma's
class for the last hour of school, but when it came time to leave my
kids just melted into whining, crying messes. Thankfully we were the
very last to leave school so i didn't have to endure the stares of the
women with the 3 loud crazy children. We were also taking home one of emma's
friends from school and she was just walking along as content and happy
as can be. Once we got into the car i looked back at B (emma's friend) and said, "Gee B, what's wrong with the Newbold's today? We're a mess!" at that point Emma lost it even more and dramatically wailed, "I'm sooooo sorry for whining, i'm sooooo sorry for being such a terrible chiiiiild!"
Well that just sent a knife through my heart. I was horrified that
such a horrible idea would even enter into her mind. I quietly and
gently told Emma to look at me and reassured her that i was very proud
of her and grateful that she was mine.
It's funny how terrifying parenting can be. You are sooo
scared to get everything right, to not screw up your kids, to not pass
down your own insecurities to these sweet innocent spirits. But at
least we try, right? Ugh it's so hard to be a parent and be so, human!
So, i guess to calm myself down i'll write a few things about those little monkey's who i adore and who have made me a better person.
Emma, Emma, Emma. You were meant to be a first born. Large and in
charge. It's crazy when i stop to look at you and really see you and
realize how you are not a baby anymore. I'm pretty sure if i blink the
next thing i know you'll be a young woman. You try so hard to do
what's right and are so hard on yourself when you've made a mistake.
You are an amazing artist and have a brilliant mind. You are fearless
in so many aspects and i admire you for your incredible strength. (just
yesterday after dance class, her teacher came up to me saying emma
had some concerns about the costume for the recital. The teacher said
it had something to do with wearing a shirt with it. I chuckled and
explained that emma
was worried about wearing the costume because it was spaghetti strap
and how we've taught her what it means to dress modestly. She was
concerned that she would be allowed to wear a shirt under or over the
costume to make it modest. The teacher happens to be of our faith and
so i didn't have to really explain too much to her to have her
understand, but i was so proud of emma for standing up for something she believes like that. It was a no brainer for her.)
Jude. You are my sweet, tender hearted, mischievous little man. You
have energy to no end and always are in the mood to laugh and make
others laugh. Sometimes you go too far, but you are learning and
trying. you want so badly to be a big boy and play with the big kids.
You want to be independent and do everything on your own and i'm
often surprised with how much you can do all on your own. You are my
cuddle bug and can easily melt my heart with the drop of a tear. You
are a fearless acrobat, which makes me anxious to see what you do the
older you get.
Eli. You are our "Growly
Bear." You may be little but you are one tough tot that i don't want
to mess with. You have attitude and an opinion and you don't let your
size slow you down. You too have an inner strength that astounds me
like your sister. You also love to make people laugh and love messing
around with jude to do just that.
For all the complaining i do about my kids, i wouldn't trade them for
anything. I can't even picture myself doing anything other than being a
full time stay-with-the-kids mom. They've taught me strength,
confidence, love, love, love and how to forgive and forget. What
blessings they are and my cup runneth over.
Well that was therapeutic.
