Time out for mommy

Go figure that i'm finally getting around to writing up this post while i've locked myself away in my room for a mommy time out.  it's one of those moments where i've reached my limit of being sassed to, ignored relentlessly, or having things thrown at me in jest/anger (all of the above includes our little E).  it's funny cause i know people look at this blog because of the comments, but i never really think that anyone is reading/looking at my occasional rants.  Today i went to emma's school with jude and eli after naps.  We had a good time hanging out with emma's class for the last hour of school, but when it came time to leave my kids just melted into whining, crying messes.  Thankfully we were the very last to leave school so i didn't have to endure the stares of the women with the 3 loud crazy children.  We were also taking home one of emma's friends from school and she was just walking along as content and happy as can be.  Once we got into the car i looked back at B (emma's friend) and said, "Gee B, what's wrong with the Newbold's today? We're a mess!" at that point Emma lost it even more and dramatically wailed, "I'm sooooo sorry for whining, i'm sooooo sorry for being such a terrible chiiiiild!"  Well that just sent a knife through my heart.  I was horrified that such a horrible idea would even enter into her mind. I quietly and gently told Emma to look at me and reassured her that i was very proud of her and grateful that she was mine.

  It's funny how terrifying parenting can be.  You are sooo scared to get everything right, to not screw up your kids, to not pass down your own insecurities to these sweet innocent spirits.  But at least we try, right?  Ugh it's so hard to be a parent and be so, human!

  So, i guess to calm myself down i'll write a few things about those little monkey's who i adore and who have made me a better person.

  Emma, Emma, Emma.  You were meant to be a first born.  Large and in charge.  It's crazy when i stop to look at you and really see you and realize how you are not a baby anymore.  I'm pretty sure if i blink the next thing i know you'll be a young woman.   You try so hard to do what's right and are so hard on yourself when you've made a mistake.  You are an amazing artist and have a brilliant mind.  You are fearless in so many aspects and i admire you for your incredible strength.  (just yesterday after dance class, her teacher came up to me saying emma had some concerns about the costume for the recital.  The teacher said it had something to do with wearing a shirt with it.  I chuckled and explained that emma was worried about wearing the costume because it was spaghetti strap and how we've taught her what it means to dress modestly.  She was concerned that she would be allowed to wear a shirt under or over the costume to make it modest.  The teacher happens to be of our faith and so i didn't have to really explain too much to her to have her understand, but i was so proud of emma for standing up for something she believes like that.  It was a no brainer for her.) 

  Jude.  You are my sweet, tender hearted, mischievous little man.  You have energy to no end and always are in the mood to laugh and make others laugh.  Sometimes you go too far, but you are learning and trying.  you want so badly to be a big boy and play with the big kids.  You want to be independent and do everything on your own and i'm often surprised with how much you can do all on your own.  You are my cuddle bug and can easily melt my heart with the drop of a tear.  You are a fearless acrobat, which makes me anxious to see what you do the older you get.

  Eli.  You are our "Growly Bear."  You may be little but you are one tough tot that i don't want to mess with.  You have attitude and an opinion and you don't let your size slow you down.  You too have an inner strength that astounds me like your sister.  You also love to make people laugh and love messing around with jude to do just that.  

  For all the complaining i do about my kids, i wouldn't trade them for anything.  I can't even picture myself doing anything other than being a full time stay-with-the-kids mom.  They've taught me strength, confidence, love, love, love and how to forgive and forget.  What blessings they are and my cup runneth over. 

  Well that was therapeutic.